First things first my top searches today are ” Fat kids crying, his left nipple, and pictures of college kids stressed out in a bathrobe” eh not that funny but extremely random. Im kind of pleased with this blog because in reality I have a total for 4 friends, and about 6 people read this…so technically i have 2 more friends hahaha. Anyways I had a conversation with Noah the other day ( the co-owner of this blog …even though he writes very little he always knows how to pull out the worst in me to think of new things to talk about). Well the other day I talked to him and we haven’t talked in a while and while we were catching up about how sad my life is he asks me a favor. …… His favor was for me to marry Serena Williams….. He actually asked me to have Serena Williams to bare my child….awkward, I know but that was his one and only wish he asked of me or of anyone. He even kind of pleaded with me. So I gave it a quick thought and picture the scenario in my head.
My stats: 5′5″ 150 pounds 22 year old asian man but look like a 14 year old boy who just got his first pube. Havent really accomplished anything…aspiring sushi chef.
Serena Stats: 5′10″ 185 pounds, 28 year old african american female, could be miss America, solid muscle, could squeeze me to death between her legs if she desired and currently the number 1 ranked tennis player for women in the world.
I just dont ever want to feel dominated, and when i think if me and Serena had a love life. All I can picture in my head is getting repeatedly power bombed and pile drived. I feel as though as when we were making love done i would be in the corner naked and crying while she is smoking a cigarette in the bed relaxing watching TV telling me to go make her a sandwich and yelling ” dont forget the mayo bitch!!” After this horrible imagination I imagined what our children would look like. What if it got all our worse traits, it would be a midget half black half asian, bugged eyed big head, girl that is sterioded out with elephant legs. the Guiness book of world records for ugliest baby…. Pretty much the baby would have all my traits and throwing in serenas buffness haha think about it

a possibility of a mix between me and serena
Anyways although some people might say I am the best friend to ever walk this planet and that I am a saint. That is just a lie. I firmly believe bad things happen to me because I constantly throw all my friends under the bus at any chance I get. My first real betrayal happened in 6th grade. I single handedly made all the girls in 6th and 5th grade think my 2 best friends were disgusting and gross. For about 2 to 3 months no girls would talk to them because of me muahhahahahhaha.
So it was in the middle of 6th grade my best friend erik and lane came over to hang out one day. We were bored so we started talking….
Erik: Hey Lane should we ask him about you know what..?
Lane: I dont know man, he probably will think we are disgusting I dont know..
Me: OMG dude just ask me I hate it when people do this
Erik: Ima just ask, he probably does it too
Lane: alright man go ahead..just ask
Erik: Do you masturbate?………. me and lane do and we just wanted to know if you do

hahhaha now at this time this is when we first learned about pleasuring ourself and it was a big deal thenhaha. Well anways it took them all this courage to ask me. And of course I was a horny little boy and I was masturbating all the time then. I probably started before those 2 horny bastards. But the Bastard I am I made a huge deal about it.
Me: Hell no i dont…that is disgusting.. are you guys serious right now, that is sick.
Erik: No jk hahah we dont we were just testing you if you did……………(awkward silence)
Lane: no we do man but come on dont tell anyone that we do please man, lets keep this a secret
Well I was a little blabber mouth back in the day and as soon as they left I told one of my other good friends that my 2 best friends were disgusting and masturbated hahhaha. The next day I go to school I notice all the girls are just straight ignoring Lane and Erik and whenever they look there way it always with a disgusted face. Lane comes up to me and yells at me for not keeping it a secret. Well I find out that the friend I told happened to have a bigger mouth than I do and told everybody in 6th grade and part of 5th hahaha. I remember my friends cried over this incident and honestly no girl talked to them for like 2 months………I felt bad about it then believe me…but now that i look back on it I helped my 2 best friends build character…right? ….. I actually did them a favor..is what i like to believe. Me on a friend scale = 10 no doubt
There are many more occasion where i have thrown my friends on the bus… I mean ask noah I constantly threw him under the bus in Japan on a weekly basis but he still remains my friend i think.

In Jr.high my good friend Ryan at the time had the biggest crush on this Girl that was also my really good friend at the time. He held this crush for about 3 months and we kept on telling him he should confess to her about his true feelings. He was scared and didn’t want to because he didn’t know how she felt. Well I told him ill ask her what she thinks about him and get the inside perspective. So I go talk to the girl and ask what she thought about my friend Ryan. Her reply is we are just “Friends” hahah friend zone!!! She said that she had no feelings for Ryan at all. Well I thought Ryan would be heart broken so when I relayed the message back to Ryan I spiced up the answer a little bit or in other terms just straight lied.
Ryan: What did she say?
Me: dude she likes you man, you definatly have a chance.. you should ask her out, she will say yes man, I have seen the way she looks at you.
So poor ryan taking my advice writes this long love letter ,explaining his true feelings and asking her out. He bring the letter to school the next day. I kept on encouraging to give her the note…………I hope there is a 3 places to go to when you die because heaven might not be possible for me but i really dont want to go to hell……maybe candy land. Well to cut this story short he gives her the letter, gets straight denied, the girl wouldn’t let me see what he wrote. He was depressed for about 3 months. But if you look beyond the fact that i left my friend hanging I would like you to know that I did him a favor. Itaught him to deal with heartbreaks at a very early age and i prepared him for the future. Now he will never get his heart broken again. Surprisingly me and Ryan still talk…..once a year or so hahahhaa.
hahaha I have many more of these and I could go on forever but the more I read this the more I start thinking that my friends will realize Im a bad person and stop hanging out with me…………. But if you really read the stories I mean Im really doing it for them, Im looking out for them in the future. That is why I like to believe I am a best friend a friend could have. I have so many better stories but I can’t talk about them because they are still on touchy grounds hahahah give me a couple more years and I think my friends will be able to laugh about them later



















































































































