I think I want to start as of recent stories and how every night I don’t want to sleep in my bed anymore.  I just moved out to Seattle in a house with 4 people and it has been a great experience.   The house is 3 stories, super nice, has  a roof-top with a great view of all of seattle.   Every room in the house is extremely nice except my room.  Its smaller than a dorm room and has no windows in the basement.  So every morning I wake up and I literally have to go upstairs and walk outside just to see whats the weather like.  Everyone tells me to just look it up online but I refuse because weather people never get it right anyways.  My other complaint is that I actually have to hide the siracha in my room because I live in a house full of asians and if you dont hide your siraracha it is gone the next day or taken by one of my roommates.  I feel so sad that my life has come to hiding something like siracha.  Anyways some people get tired of having sex in their own bed so they get a kick out of smushing on others.  I was gone for thanksgiving and during that time my roommmates decide to have a party.  Unfortunatly I dont have a lock on my door so when the party was brought down to the basement 2 people decide to walk into my room and fornicate on my nice comfortable bed.  They dont even bother to leave a note or a warning after they leave the next day.  well I come back to my house and I sleep on my bed for a couple days and after the 3rd day i decide to clean my room……i kinda wish I didn’t.  But while i was cleaning i find a stupid trojan wrapper all tucked in right next to my bed.  It wasn’t me…i haven’t seen a vagina since 2009 (its been a rough year).  I was sleeping in someones sex juices for 3 days….I knew my bed smelt funny…….raaaawwrrr!!!  So I wash my sheets thinking wow this is great at least i know to wash them.  Not even one week later my roommates stupid dog (her name is “baby”)  walks into my room jumps onto my CLEAN sheets and pisses on everything.  Now you know why people eat dogs, I almost picked up that dog and cooked it right there!!!  I sleep on the floor now right next to my bed…I have sleep overs by myself.hahaha  Since then i have bought a lock, a chain, and another lock for my door.

num num

So I have been going clubbing as of recent lately.  Ya i like dancing even though all I do is fist pump or do the carlton dance from fresh prince.  I mean i dance super corny I know i do, you know i do and the people at the clubs know I do.  I dont mind not having rhythm or swag.  I do mind however crazy girl dancers.  That think they are good/sexy and instead of dancing with you they attack you.  They use dancing as a weapon and not as a mating tool.  Look I am bad and I admit it, I embrace it, i love it.  So should those girls.  Instead of being angry about it and attacking people..calm down and just move to the beat, keep loose, relax your head, I mean you spent an hour on your hair you dont need to mess it up by head banging and blinding people with head twirls.  The last couple of times I have been pinned up on a wall,  I get all excited then all of a sudden its like the exorcist.  they move their head and body as fast as they possibly can and hurt you.   At first you can’t tell its bad dancing because they do all these moves all at the same time (its like seeing something all at once so you are amazed, so it gives the impression of being good but in reality they are just exercising..burning calories…doing that new electric shock dance.  One time i was lucky enough to duck under, use a football swim move and swipe the arms away, spin and pivot out of there. But one time I was not as fortunate…………I still have nightmares…..she got me pinned to the bar turned me over so my face was facing the bartender then locked me in with her arms and was humping the shit  out of me  I mean really thrusting…..I screamed I cried I even whimpered.  she literally pounded me from behind.  Some guys might find that sexy and say wow you are lucky……You weren’t there!!!!  it was horrible!!  I couldn’t escape,  it was so awkward just facing the bartender looking at him not knowing what to do..he told me to move but i couldn’t.  It just reminded me that I shouldn’t go to prison.  It was like a 5 foot 2 asian girl and both instances were short asian girls who are suprisingly strong.  So everyone if you cant dance its okay……dont be angry remain calm.  Anways this just taught me to stay away from walls and anywhere where you can be pinned stay in the middle of the floor for an easy escape.  Also if you see a girl that drinks a lot and goes clubbing and is still in shape realize that she most likely can’t dance, she is dangerous and should have a warning sticker taped to her back when she goes out.  I think they feel like they are good because people will clear away from them forming a little circle.  What they dont realize its because they dont want to become a victim from the “E-shock” (electric shock) dance.  next time i get E-shocked ima start jump kicking fools….

girl 1.......me 0

My stats:  5’5″ 150 pounds 22 year old asian man but look like a 14 year old boy who just got his first pube.  Havent really accomplished anything…aspiring sushi chef.

Serena Stats:  5’10″  185 pounds, 28 year old african american female,  could be miss America, solid muscle, could squeeze me to death between her legs if she desired and currently the number 1 ranked tennis player for women in the world.

I just dont ever want to feel dominated, and when i think if me and Serena had a love life.  All I can picture in my head is getting repeatedly power bombed and pile drived.  I feel as though as when we were making love done i would be in the corner naked and crying while she is smoking a cigarette in the bed relaxing watching TV telling me to go make her a sandwich and yelling ” dont forget the mayo bitch!!”  After this horrible imagination I imagined what our children would look like.  What if it got all our worse traits, it would be a midget half black half asian, bugged eyed big head, girl that is sterioded out with elephant legs.  the Guiness book of world records for ugliest baby…. Pretty much the baby would have all my traits and throwing in serenas buffness haha think about it

a possibility of a mix between me and serena

  Anyways although some people might say I am the best friend to ever walk this planet and that I am a saint.  That is just a lie.  I firmly believe bad things happen to me because I constantly throw all my friends under the bus at any chance I get.  My first real betrayal happened in 6th grade.  I single handedly made all the girls in 6th and 5th grade think my 2 best friends were disgusting and gross.  For about 2 to 3 months no girls would talk to them because of me muahhahahahhaha.   

  So it was in the middle of 6th grade my best friend erik and lane came over to hang out one day.  We were bored so we started talking….

Erik:  Hey Lane should we ask him about you know what..?

Lane: I dont know man, he probably will think we are disgusting I dont know..

Me:  OMG dude just ask me I hate it when people do this

Erik: Ima just ask, he probably does it too

Lane: alright man go ahead..just ask

Erik: Do you masturbate?………. me and lane do and we just wanted to know if you do

hahhaha now at this time this is when we first learned about pleasuring ourself and it was a big deal thenhaha.  Well anways it took them all this courage to ask me.  And of course I was a horny little boy and I was masturbating  all the time then.  I probably started before those 2  horny bastards.  But the Bastard I am I made a huge deal about it.

Me: Hell no i dont…that is disgusting.. are you guys serious right now, that is sick.

Erik: No jk hahah we dont we were just testing you if you did……………(awkward silence)

Lane: no we do man but come on dont tell anyone that we do please man, lets keep this a secret

Well I was a little blabber mouth back in the day and as soon as they left I told one of my other good friends that my 2 best friends were disgusting and masturbated hahhaha.  The next day I go to school I notice all the girls are just straight ignoring Lane and Erik and whenever they look there way it always with a disgusted face.  Lane comes up to me and yells at me for not keeping it a secret.  Well I find out that the friend I told happened to have a bigger mouth than I do and told everybody in 6th grade and part of 5th hahaha.  I remember my friends cried over this incident and honestly no girl talked to them for like 2 months………I felt bad about it then believe me…but now that i look back on it I helped my 2 best friends build character…right?  …..  I actually did them a favor..is what i like to believe.    Me on a friend scale = 10 no doubt

There are many more occasion where i have thrown my friends on the bus… I mean ask noah I constantly threw him under the bus in Japan on a weekly basis but he still remains my friend i think.

In Jr.high my good friend Ryan at the time had the biggest crush on this Girl that was also my really good friend at the time.  He held this crush for about 3 months and we kept on telling him he should confess to her about his true feelings.  He was scared and didn’t want to because he didn’t know how she felt.  Well I told him ill ask her what she thinks about him and get the inside perspective.  So I go talk to the girl and ask what she thought about my friend Ryan.  Her reply is we are just “Friends” hahah friend zone!!!  She said that she had no feelings for Ryan at all.  Well I thought Ryan would be heart broken so when I relayed the message back to Ryan I spiced up the answer a little bit or in other terms just straight lied.

Ryan:  What did she say?

Me: dude she likes you man, you definatly have a chance.. you should ask her out, she will say yes man, I have seen the way she looks at you.

So poor ryan taking my advice writes this long love letter ,explaining his true feelings and asking her out.  He bring the letter to school the next day.  I kept on encouraging to give her the note…………I hope there is a 3 places to go to when you die because heaven might not be possible for me but i really dont want to go to hell……maybe candy land.    Well to cut this story short he gives her the letter, gets straight denied, the girl wouldn’t let me see what he wrote.  He was depressed for about 3 months.  But if you look beyond the fact that i left my friend hanging I would like you to know that I did him a favor.  Itaught him to deal with heartbreaks at a very early age and i prepared him for the future.  Now he will never get his heart broken again.  Surprisingly me and Ryan still talk…..once a year or so hahahhaa.

hahaha  I have many more of these and I could go on forever but the more I read this the more I start thinking that my friends will realize Im a bad person and stop hanging out with me…………. But if you really read the stories I mean Im really doing it for them, Im looking out for them in the future.  That is why I like to believe I am a best friend a friend could have.  I have so many better stories but I can’t talk about them because they are still on touchy grounds hahahah give me a couple more years and I think my friends will be able to laugh about them later

Let me get this out there, I cry but not for the normal stuff, like I dont cry if im stressed, hurt, feelings hurt, if somebody slapped my great grandma,if someone mistakes me for a girl, if i shart my pants or even if i get peed on………No I wish I did cry for these things that normal people cry for but I dont I cry for the most worthless things. I cry for things like food, pants getting dirty, disney movies or bad movies.   For example the otherday I go watch this movie “love happens” with my friend (she is a girl) and during the movie I started to cry, not only that, right infront of this girl.  I tried to prevent it from happening, I looked away, closed my eyes, played with my cell phone, thought about baseball stats(if it works for sex it has to work for other things right?)….dammit i tried everything but I cried myself a river!!  She called me out on it, I tried to deny it and told her I had something in my eye but that failed.     The worst part is I think i was the only person in the theatre that cried honestly …AND THE MOVIE WASNT EVEN THAT SAD!!! FML

me at the movies

Anyways I started to think about past movies and books that I have cried reading or watching and 1. I wish I didn’t..2.  The movies I cry watching are the most worthless movies.   I dont even cry in the movies when im supposed to cry for example I have only seen my dad cry 2 twice in my whole life.  One was at my Gmas funeral but another time was watching this Japanese Drama that everyone in my family cried watching.. but I didn’t cry hahaha call me a men amongst men.   YOu will think differently as I list the movies I have cried watching that and the fact I cried because I couldn’t eat a quizno sandwhich back in highschool … here is the list of shame

1.Jack Frost

2.Emporers New Groove……are you kidding me a cartoon

3. JACK

4. Step Up  1

5.  Ice Age

Are you Kidding  me!!  how the hell do you cry in a cartoon movie,  I mean you know the person that dies is coming back to life again.   Maybe Im just an emotional person, I dont even cry at quality movies I mean jack frost and step up maybe i cried because the acting was so bad. I mean I didn’t even cry in the notebook infact I was laughing when she freaked out and got tranqualized and when they were old and spooning each other at the end. but I still wonder to this day how I cried when a snow man died….I shake my head in disgust hahaha .  I mean I would even understand if I had cried in Alladin when Apu turned into a doll but not for a snow man melting……..You cant even call me sensitive, I mean i would go for sensitive ..this is straight sad.

Is it sad that this almost made me cry

Anyways  lets not talk about me crying lets talk about 1 of the 2 times I saw my dad cry hahahahha.  I would feel bad for laughing at this but Im evil and some people say I dont like things with hearts.   Anyways I still remember my dad crying like it was yesterday.  It was a summer afternoon when me and my brother came home.  My dads car was parked in the garage so we knew he was home so we thought oh he came home to watch the baseball game.  As we walk through the garage into the house we get the biggest shock of our lives.  All the lights in the house were off my dad siitting down in a dark and secluded room by himself crying up a storm with a box of tissues next to him….immediatly we think oh no someone had died, because this is the first time we have ever seen him cry and we were 17 and 22 at the time.  As we look up we see the Japanese Drama on the TV screen.  He looks back at us with puffy eyes with little sniffels for comfort and maybe companionship … but we were just in shock honestly we slowely walked backwards out the house  with jaw open all the way to the car and drove off.  We came back later when we thought the cost was clear.  Hahaha how mean are we, only time we see our dad cry we run away and make fun of him.  That will show him to cry infront of his kids again next time we wont be so nice…we will stone him!!!!  Well at least i know he is human now.

does this look like a man that would cry

Anyways there are much more worthless times that I have cried..if there was anything I could change about myself it would not be my huge head, or my sumo body,or my height, or my bug eyes, or my unevenly grown facial hair, or my unibrow or even that fact that i look like a frog bobble head, or my alcoholism……..if i had to change anything about me it would be to not cry during Jack frost..twice……….

Dammit writing this blog reminds me how worthless I am and so does my brother He wrote a note describing how each of his friends represents a NFL football player and this is what he said about me…

PK:  KICKER
Yuki as Martin Gramatica – A guy small in stature and regardless of how much he jumps around and cheers or how well he performs the guy is only gonna get 3 pts. It could be 60 yds or a chip in this guy is going home with a 3 (more likely a 1).

This is regarding my taste in women and me as a person hahaha no matter how amazing it is, its all the same ……hahahhaha what he doesn’t know is that even though my range is from a 2-6 I can come home with two girls that are 3′s or i could come home with three girls that are 2′s or even  6 girls that are ones….. because if you add there rating scale it equals up to a six

I picked up a 3 ma!! hooray

explains itself

bout to turn pro in photography

16 dollar poop

Anyways on to the real topic at hand my title “5 foot 5 inches 190 pounds of love” haha you may think wait, is Hiro explaining his dream girls attributes…yes that is my dream girls attributes but the real story is that was my attributes sophomore year in highschool.

Some may ask how did I balloon to being that big?  What was it like? What did you eat?  Getting to be that big was not easy work and I trained my mouth very hard for it.  Let me tell you one thing though at that point of my life even with out a neck and my quadruple chin not only was I happiest but probably I felt the most sexy!!  Even my mom and brother both told me that I was much more fun and cooler when I was Biggie Smalls and sometimes I feel like they force feed me.  My mom whenever she makes me meals she takes a syringe and ejects butter and chicken fat into her all her meals.  My brother started to hang out with me less after I lost a little weight.  Its like they are shunning me!!  My brother doesn’t look at me the same……..  Anyways I probably gained 40 pounds with in 4 months to become 190 around there.   I ballooned up so fast that I went to Japan to visit my brother 4 months after he left and when he came to pick me up at the airport he walked past me twice without noticing me.  I mean come on!!! Im his little brother he should have smelled me out or something I was even wearing a old school penny hardaway jersey and a du-rag in airforces. How could he have not seen me in Japan Airport how many mini godzillas are in Japan?  

Some people eat to live I am the type of person that Lives to Eat.  I remember my mom wanting me to go on a diet and eat salad, and I really wanted to eat a sandwich and i started to cry because I couldn’t eat a sandwhich…omg hahaha a 17 year old crying because he couldn’t eat a quizno sub haha how awesome.  You know your big when your own mom suggests you go on a diet and looks at you in disgust.  During my Biggie Smalls era I would eat Taco Bell every day I would order a cheesy gordita crunch and a crunch wrap supreme with cinnamon snacks.  For breakfast I would eat those Otis Spunkmeyer cookies (2bags and a pizza pocket) and for dinner I would always eat a family sized macaroni and cheese and a bag of tostitos.  I would take the tostitos and dip them into my mac and cheese and at the family size meals.  I thought it was amazing..think about it its like nachos and mac and cheese at the same time.  Of course i would be eating candy bars and drinking coke through out the day.  I was amazing!!!!  I still have the side effects from being that heavy I still breath really heavy when Im just sitting around doing nothing.  I still sweat profusely when Im just sitting.  And every now and then when i get drunk the fat kid inside comes out and I eat everything in sight.  In Japan I would get drunk then one night I eat a medium size pizza, fish and chips, yoshinoya beef bowl, big plate of curry, 3 rice balls, mcdonalds double quarter pounder meal, bowl of noodles, and then top it off with a box of chocolate and a bowl of ice cream!!  No joke, I would be eating this all in a hour span.  I literally walked out of one restaurant to go to the restaurant next door I wasn’t bar hopping I was restaurant hopping!!!  Its like I locked the inner me inside and it just comes out randomly.  I mean my friend who was watching me do this was not even laughing he was disgusted with me….I remember he was disgusted with me and all i could do was laugh lay on my back and clap my feet because i was to fat to touch my hands together hahahhahaha

I have decided that one day I will let the beast inside loose and take the eating world by storm.   kobayashi jr. baby!! 5 years from now turn on espn hot dog eatching champion you will see me double fisting bun and hot dog  wtih a trophy in my hand.

New MottO: If it looks disgusting it is disgusting!!

For some reason in the world some girls/guys like golden showers they have fetish’s for it.  Well you know my motto with big girls….”you cant say you hate unless you tried it!!”…………….. That motto officially sucks and should be thrown out as a motto.  I was a victim to a very unexpected golden shower.  Apparently the person thought my legs were dirty so while I sleeping  he did what any nice person would do, he washed my leg.  He washed it like I got bit by a jellyfish and was trying to use pee as a anti venom.  Well if that was the case I would have applauded him but it wasn’t so I secretly still hate him.  Well anyways to add insult to injury that same night one of my best friends tried to hook up with my other friends mother…….funny when you hear it but at that time I was peed on and it was extremely awkward.  Well lets just get to this story.

So I think about freshmen year in college I came back home for summer vacation and was hanging out with my 2 best friends from highschool.  That night we just planned to stay at my house take it easy get drunk and eat ourselves into a food coma.  That was untill my other friend was having a little pow wow at her house and called us over. At this time we were all 18 or 19 and couldn’t go to any bars so the best we could do is go to a house where a parent would let us drink.  Of course 3 guys who are hornier than hamsters were gonna go over to a house where there are people of the opposite sex aka females haha.  Anyways we go to the house everyone was super drunk including one of my friends lets call him “Giant”.  Well Giant can drink a lot and he loves to drink so of course he was drunk and was probably set for the night but I gave him my beer which is probably the reason why what happened later to me, actually  happened.  Whats the saying……Your digging your own grave.  Well shoot I dug my own grave and even decorated it and probably even jumped in by handing him my beers. Anyways the night ends with me striking out and going to bed on a airmatress with my other friend sleeping on the other side.  Everyone else is scattered around the house including giant who is in the room next door sleeping on the couch right next to the bathroom.

Well around 4 am I wake up and I feel a sprinkle of water on my leg and immediately i thought my friends were playing a joke on me so I open my eyes and look over and I see Giant Blacked out.  His pants down, cock in hand just firing off like he was putting out a fire.  I flip out  and this was our convo

Me: ” What the hell are you doing!”

Giant:” Im peeing what are you doing” slurred words of course

Me: ” Why the hell are you not peeing in the bathroom, you know this isn’t the bathroom”

Giant:  “Why are you in the Bathroom Im trying to pee”

At this time my friend who is sleeping next to me wakes up I yell at both of them and tell my friend to take Giant to the bathroom, there was really no point because he already did his deed.  My friend comes back and says he got a little sprinkle on his sock and was pouting about it.  I show him my whole lower half drenched and he shut up.  The worst part about this was he was closer to the bathroom than my room and he was literally peeing over my friend and peeing on to me.

Anyways after i got peed on I was too traumatized to go to bed so i walked down stairs in boxer briefs cause that was the only thing that was dry, to go eat my pains away in the kitchen I was hoping to eat so much that i would forget,  as I get down I hear this knocking on the door hah and it was one of my friends that got locked out for like 2 hours because she stepped outside to talk on the phone, we exchange stories and were talking for a  while when i decide that i could go back to bed.  As I walk back up stairs I see the mom/ owner of the house was sleeping on the couch.  Of course I ask her why she isn’t sleeping in her own bed?  Apparently she tried but one of the friends I brought over jumped into bed before her and tried to seduce her to come into bed with him hahaha he even did like a sexy pose and patted the bed to wave her over move hahahhaha.  Anyways when I heard this I get extremely embarrassed  I run upstairs yell at my friend who was sleeping in the moms room get my other friend still sleeping in the still wet bed and as I was leaving I was still upset about Giant peeing on me so i wake him up and here was our convo.

me:”Dude you peed on me”

Giant: “No i didn’t.”

me: “yes you did! then why are my pants all soaked with piss”

Giant: ” because you peed your pants man let me go to bed”

Me: ” no it was you because i saw you standing over me peeing on me not only that my boxer are dry it was you”

Giant: “oh…….my bad..zzzzzzz”

Me:”…………….?”

That bastard tried to convince me that i peed my own pants. hahha If he peed on my boxers I probably would have believed him.  I basically said what ever and bounced.  I didn’t want to wake up the next morning with everyone knowing what happened about me getting peed on and my friend trying to seduce the mom and getting denied so I drove home in my airforces and boxer briefs and my 2 hung over friends.  I asked my friend why he tried to hit on the mom and he was denying it the whole time.  apparently he blacked out way before that happened and does not remember a thing.  heres our convo ima call him Big Bear

me: “dude  you tried to hook up with the mom!!”

Big Bear: “hell no I didn’t, what are you talking about!”

me: “yes you did,  she told me you did why do you think you were in her bed hahahhaha”

Big Bear: ” oh shit …….man but the bed was real comfortable”

hahhahahahha anyways about a couple days later after I could handle the embarrassment I talked to my friend whose house we partied at and apologized for everything that happened.  She said it was okay but that Big Bear is never allowed at the house again.  I always imagined what if he actually seduced the mom….that would have been waaaaaayyy more awkward.  I would have left him at the house.  I am glad that the lesser of two evils happened that night hahaha.

As for Giant,  I just get scared drinking with him and sleeping in the same house with him around.  I feel as if though he is hunting for me.  The golden shower fetishes are sick and messed up and from now on you dont have to try things to hate it.  If it looks bad looks disgusting it is disgusting, everyone should live by that motto!!!!!

  Anyways I have talked to many of my friends about there sharting experience haha some way worse than others but all equally as funny.  It was one of those talks when we all sit in a circle share our experience and shared our wisdom on how we overcame or didn’t overcome the situation during the time.  I felt like it was educational because I have done it 3 times already I can’t guarantee there wont be a fourth so I listened intently to be prepared for the next experience.  Because when it happens you always somewhere where you dont want to be, and you can’t act to shocked when it happens or else people will get suspicious so you have to hold in your emotions no matter what.  You have to try to act like nothing happened when really you just smell with poop mushing in your pants.

Im only gonna share two stories with you because the first experience prepared me for the next one.   My first sharting experience was in 4th grade in Ms Peeks class 30 minutes before school ended!! I mean 30 minutes!!! come on!!! so close but yet so far.   Before I go any further into this story I have to explain that in that same class I had one of those stinky kids.  That kid was a girl and her name was melinda.  She had to wear diapers to school everday they were probably Huggies or Pampers but who really cares.  Anways she had to wear these because 3 to 4 times a week honestly she would poop her pants hahah Honest to everything I had to sit next to her and she always smelled like straight poop.  Unless she had that new instyle perfume that was called “poop” i am 99.9% percent possitive she was shitting next to me everyday.  Near the end of the year Im pretty sure I got used to the poop smell because i couldn’t even smell my own poops anymore.    Anyways back to my story, during that day 30 minutes before school ended I had to go pee really bad so I went to the bathroom and as I was peeing I had this huge fart i had to squeeze out.  As I was giggling to myself thinking about how loud this fart will be instead of air passing it was poo.  And for some reason I did not know what to do I just panicked.  There was no garbage can to throw away my underwear or anything.  So I did the most reasonable thing I just put everything back on and went straight back to class. This is where Luck comes into play,  I sat next to miss pooper herself melinda muahhahaha.  Everyone definitely smelt my poo as i walked in to class but no one would blame me for the smell they all blamed it on melinda.  Poor melinda probably one of the days where she was victorious and not pooping herself and here i come just ruining one of her better days.  I swear I am not making this up  I just got extremely lucky I went the next 30 minutes of class just sitting on my poop uuuugggghh It was like a losing a battle but winning the war type thing.  Ya i pooped myself but someone else got the blame.  I remember going home that day and as soon as i saw my mom I bursted in tears and confessed everything.  Here my mom is sitting at the doorstep of our house waiting to welcome him home from school I fall into her arms telling her i pooped myself hahah  Im surprised she didn’t just laugh at me.  If my kid does it ima make sure to take pictures and laugh at him.  Maybe show it to his girlfriends when he grows up. haha I wont be one of those cool dads.

the new rocket man

photo credit :

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/fart.jpg

 This brings me to my next story, I dont know how many sharting stories you can handle but just listen.  This actually took place last year while in Japan…….Know one knows about this except for Noah but even he didn’t know when it happened.  He only found out later because i had to say sorry to him for yelling at him because i was in a “bad mood” at that time hahaha.   Apparently I am allergic to oysters or my stomach can’t handle them.  Anways I am walking home from playing basketball which is a mile or so away from the train station.  My friends all live in the dorm so I am walking home by myself and I have another half mile to the train station when I feel the urge to fart.  But for some reason i was real skeptical about this fart.  I knew if i farted It was a 50-50 chance of it being either fart or poop.  I felt like I was having a good day and I felt like I was old enough and mature enough to not poo my pants.  So I took the gamble  I let it squeeze out….poop that is….. as soon as i realized i clenched my butt, my teeth, my fist.  This is when you have to make quick decision cause you can’t just ponder on what to do next.  Either i walk half a mile to the station and try and clean it up there infront of 100 of people or walk another half mile back to your friends dorm where you could either get caught and made fun of but you can use a clean restroom to clean.  I decided to go back to the dorms.  I dont know about you but walking a half mile with your butt clenched and poop in your pants was the worst thing in the world.  It was a walk of shame  and it took forever.  For the dorm you cant get in unless your friends lets you in that lives there.  So I text my friend saying “I need to poop let me in your dorm”  only thing is i already pooped but he didn’t know that.  So when i get there, like all friends he tried to mess around with me and played with the lock not letting me in right away……….I just snapped went crazy started yelling  hahaha he got scared and let me in.  Anyways being sneaky and being asian i cleaned up right away got rid of the evidence and bounced ASAP without anyone knowing or even having a clue of what happened.  I remember when i got home that night that i scrubbed myself but never really feeling clean no matter how hard i scrubbed.  To this day i still feel dirty.

hahaha These stories arent that bad at all compared to ones I have heard.  One of my friends actually pooped his pants on a way to to take a final exam.  He was already running late so he picked grades over his pride hahah.  He took the hour long final exam with poop all in his pants and bounced straight home. hahah I mean i couldn’t take a final exam with poop in my pants and i know the people he sat next to definitely couldn’t take there final exam with the person next to him smelling poop hahahahha.   Or my other friend who had the stomach flu or somethign and was jokingly trying to fart on his sister as a joke bare ass cheek to only defecating on her.  1 extremely messed up 2. probably the funniest thing i have ever heard

Dont be disgusted instead just embrace the fact it will probably end up happening to you haha please dont be afraid to share…..actually dont share but if you had just show support and put a smiley face in the comment box hahahha.

Since I am back from Japan I have had really no reason to update this, not only that after the month of February in Japan i stopped site seeing and just drank 10 years of my life away.  I wanted to take pictures of Seattle and my life here and update  but since I’m asian and very asian looking I would honestly look like an asian tourist taking pictures…so i refrain from doing so.  Drinking  got so bad in Japan that instead of my friends calling my phone during the weekdays that they would just go to the bar i always go to at 5 to see me during happy hour. During those times I thought to myself if i substitute my calories from food with beer i will be okay.   Unfortunately folks that is just not true.   As I look back at my time in Japan I noticed a couple disturbing things about myself.  The first thing is i think I hate myself hahaha and two I am a man with no shame.  From locking myself into multiple bathrooms only for my friends to pick the lock, or having the bartender holding me up to go pee in bathroom, to telling multiple girls that i first met that they are the love of my life and somehow getting these girls to believe it, to giving taxi cab drivers 150% tip(japan there is no tip) and then later giving them food from my house as a thank you or getting punched by a vending machine restocker guy.  YOu might think drinking with me is fun but in reality im not that great of a drunk.  When im drunk I just smile a lot and like to kick things (garbage cans, signs, rocks) and I love to lie, some people speak the truth when drunk I can’t speak the truth, and for some odd reason my hand does not leave the shocker position  during pictures times o.

You cant even pull that style off

sometimes i just catch myself standing doing nothing but my hands are curled into the shocker position I will take responsibility for teaching Japan the shocker, but at least im a happy drunk. I feel like i left Japan with many stories, only problem is i dont remember most of them so i hope my friends will remind me of all of them.

When I drink ( which is 3 to 5 times a week)  I noticed I become Brad Pitt to heavier sett girls.  I dont like the term fat girls because 1 its mean and 2….i like it hahahah.  When ever I was at the bar in Japan big girls would always like to hit on me and or gay guys.   My friends were always disgusted or give me the (eew ) face whenever I give them attention back or even talk to them.  Some even try to pull me away… You may think i have great friends but thats not the case,  sometimes they will get the big girls and point me out for there entertainment.  Although i thought this was a japan thing, when i first arrived back in America I was at the club in Seattle and I was approached by 2 different girls.  The first one  I believed to be  a mail order bride and the second was a big white girl hahahha.   Now in no means do i have a fetish for big girls i just dont mind them.  Let me tell you why:

1.  They dont demand much except for food

2.  They are always down to eat, they wont ever be like “oh im on a diet I cant eat that”

3.  Big girls can cook!! my mom is big and she can cook so thats all the proof i need

4. Dont need to take them out and spends lots of money on dinner because they love microwave pizza just as much as you!!!

Now these next four i took off a internet sight so dont think im horrible im just repeating what they said

4. Will never cheat on you

5. low self-esteem…hahha  I hate myself for writing this

6. very comfortable, and easy to cuddle during cold times

7. you will always feel in shape

My friends ask me how come I like big girls but i also tell them i like all girls.  From the guy rating scale of 1-10 i like my girls to be 2-5 …6 are pushing it.  If you are 7-10 even a 6 i dont even bother to talk to you or look at you.  You are considered to hott for me and I myself believe I have no chance( you wont even see me looking at you once).  My friends always ask me why i set my standard so low but i consider them perfect and I tell them they should not complain.  In a group of girls that are “hott” there is always that one big girl or not as attractive one.   Normally a guy would not want that type of girl, but for me that is my goal, so really im doing everyone a favor by not only putting my best moves on them, i take there attention away so my friends wont get cock blocked by the ugly friend.  Some say ima great guy!!  YOu know you hear the guys saying ima take one for the team, haha well consider me the teams savior.  Plus i feel like i bring balance to the world.  If every guy goes for only good looking girls, if that happens who will go for the not so good looking ones.  Since girls aren’t as shallow as guys you will see hott girls with ugly guys.  You dont ever see the opposite.  So the balance is very out of wack because good looking guys get with good looking girls and ugly guys get with hott girls.  So who gets with the rest?….That folks would be me, i bring balance to this dating world!!  I will take your  thank you cards later.

Japan has really made a man out of me, i make the argument for big girls so well that even one of my friends who has extremely high standards got caught up in my thoughts.  He even went abroad as well and hooked up with a girl that could be considered a ideal size for a college Linebacker.  Of course he immdediatly regretted it but I believe he should thank me because he would have never known if he didn’t like big girls if it wasn ‘t for me.  Im not saying go hunt big girls but im saying dontdeny the opportunity.   ahhahahahah

Which leads me to one of the funniest stories I have ever heard.  Due to this being a secret I will change the location and names of where this event took place.  Well one of my friends that study abroad was drinking at a bar and was really doing “work” on this cute girl.  This cute girl came with her gay friend and one of her girlfriends.  Near the end of the night the girl ask him to leave with her and her two friends.  They go to the gay guys place and sleep there.  Well since the girl that my friend was hitting on did not live their they had to sleep on the couch.  Of course they ended up hooking up that night.  But around lets say 8 am he felt someone sucking on his thumb, so he immediatly thought oh she wants to have morning sex as well but when he opens his eyes it wasn’t the girl sucking on his thumb it was the gay friend!!  So in shock at the time he turns his body away and screams “no,no,no,no” not even saying a sentence.  The gay friend gets scared says sorry and rushes back to the room.  My friend doesn’t hit him because he considers it a hate crime but he can’t run because he didn’t drive to the place so he stays at that apartment only for the gay guy to drive him home.

When he told me this story he also said ” this must what a girl feels like when they get creeped on by guys,  I honestly know why they get creeped out about guys sometimes”  He then promises to  never creep on girls.  I believe he secretly liked the sucked thumb thats why i never see him washing that hand hahahhaa.   So girls if you ever want to teach a creepy guy a lesson have a gay friend do it for you. yaaaa

ONe of the many shockers.....thats a fivehead....taking one for the team

camera can't catch me

I tried to be funny and pose but for some reason its gross and disturbingly sexual

The highlight of this whole zoo trip was Noah buying a Panda hat and wearing it everywhere. The funny thing is he got super weird looks from everyone for wearing the hat. Even when there was a guy within ten feet of us that was had the ugliest haircut i have ever seen or imagined. Everyone thought his haircut was normal but noah’s hat weird. His hairstyle was shave your head except at the very top and grow a little patch of hair about 5 inches. He looked like he was growing a patch of grass on the top of his head. Getting back on topic we also enjoyed the weird “put your head in the hole to look like an animal thing” (i don’t know what its called, if you know then tell me). Also the king of the jungle mating with his wife. At first it was violent love making but then at the end it became passionate and some what dirty. Let me go into more detail because I already went to far so I might as well go the distance. After the king of the Jungle was done he just threw her aside and went back to bed….. it must be a man thing no matter what race or species haha.

we saw lions, tigers, and bears oh my! Including zebras, giraffes, monkey and some other animals just look at the photos cause i doubt people read this. The monkeys were really stinky and had more dingleberries than they should have. The zoo needs to maintain those dingleberries cause it was straight ridiculous. Anywho enjoy the pictures

Wrong direction to the zoo

The random shrine

Noah cleansing mind body and soul?

throw money clap clap pray

Zoo Map, we only covered like 1/3 of it

Random Snow man greeting you at the entrance...wheres the other eye

first animal i encountered......noahcoon

Dingleberry farm

Keeping each other warm

See, speak, and hear no good advice

Wolf doing the Black power symbol....the face is pure sexiness

Honestly i didn't think anything was wrong with the hat

untill i put it on

Giraffe whisperer?

me taking animal form

RAAAAARRR

little does he know he is going to be my next coat...take that animal activist.

Ginormous

After the dirty deed

Resting in the snow? OOOOR did i completely eat it?

Happiness= meat+noodles+soup(hot or cold)

Hokkaido is known for some good ramen so we went to the ramen street. The ramen street was just an small alley where 16 ramen shops were just lined up competing with each other. Each ramen shop was pretty packed and looked oh so good.

you think the fashion is sad.... the real tragedy is its a guy

They made them perform in the freezing cold....it was sad but not as sad as their performance

RAAAAARR

wish!! asian dude that is famous for doing a gang sign and saying wish!!

meow!! One day i will grow up...just not now

Ice shot Bar!!! i was to much of a pansy for it

It was cute untill we started pelting them with snowballs!!! jk

The same way my mom feeds me........gross

Olympic Swimmer guy and two other random asian people

Noah On stage of the Disney Sculpture but soon getting kicked off later cause he was not staff

i wanna look just like him….minus the horn and the very round head but ill keep the chin strap.

First Girl we met!! I dont think she was feeling us though